Sheding

My Brain is so gone. So far from where I began. A world away and no way back, no way that I can ever be who I used to be. Innocent, small, joyous! Things I've shed like a snake and it's skin. The past is gone and yet I can't bear to look to the future, where I will still be more different.
          I look in the mirror and I see not myself but a stranger. Someone who I would never have even been seen with if I was still half the person I used to be. Yet her I am; I've been through heart break and addictions, break downs and my mind's own fictions. Days where I could barely go on and days where giving up would never even cross my mind. Times where the only person in the world that could hold me up doesn't even care about me anymore and times where I'd give anything for what I had between us to just have never happened. Most days I wake to thought of "Am I dead?.... No. Well time to start an other day that I'll screw up", but even if I live that day and do screw up I try my best to forget fast, live in the present and forget the past. And yet there it is every time I see a picture, read a note or a word that came from this person or that one, it all come rushing back like walking along and finding an old snake skin. What  if a snake found it's old skin? Does it remember why pieces are missing? Does it have memories that it will trigger. My old skins do and they aren't always the best memories.