Love to regret, But don't regret to love.

Isn't weird that when you're with someone and things seem so amazing, then somehow they leave; whether it be through death or choice or being forced, it tears you to pieces. All you think about is that one thing or person that made your days seem worthwhile, made the sun seem just that much brighter. But it's gone and all that you can see is dark and full of despair. Then one day you find someone else and all of a sudden that thing, that memory that seems so far gone, is simply forgotten. We do it all the time. We spend months with someone just to have it thrown away in the blink of an eye. Some take months to get over it and when they do all of sudden there's that new person. They forget all their regrets and move on. They simply "get over it" and "let it go". It's just odd to me that they can someone how just forget and let go. Every bad memory is burnt into my memory when the good memories fade. Sometimes I lie in bed and just think about all the things I could have done differently. People are always telling me I can't let regrets control my life and I completely agree, but without my regrets I don't learn anything from mistakes I make. So in the long wrong I guess not forgetting may be jsut as bad as forgetting...

Who you wanna be.

So you're five, what do you think you want to be when you're older? A fireman, a police officer, a artist, a singer. Okay good choices. You're seven what do want to be? A computer game maker? A artist? A sculptor, a piano player? Again okay choices, but what happens you get to the age of eleven or twelve now a days and you're expected to do drugs, have sex, and lie at every possible chance. Do you ever hear of a five year saying he wants to be a crack dealing coke addict? Do you hear a seven year old plaining to commit suicide at the age of sixteen? Do you hear any child saying they want to live on the streets? No you don't. It's cause as children we are innocent. The world around us affects us as we find out what is right and wrong the society corrupts our morale compass and makes it what they think. Some of us can't even look in the mirror without thinking about how we aren't even someone we'd even be friends with anymore...

I love you's and all that jazz

"I'll love you forever" "Love you so much right now" "I don't think I could ever love someone more in my life"

      I'm just getting up, so of course the first thing I do is check my E-mail, online games and of course Facebook. Ever since the invention of "The News Feed" I scroll down it everyday. I Read statuses that look interesting and the statuses of people I want to know about. As I'm reading I skip over all those short ones with nothing much to say "At work" "At school" There's plenty of them. But the one status that I can't stand anymore are the ones quoted in blue above. I mean I LOVE all my friends to death! More then anything one could say. But it makes me so angry when you see one person who says "I love you never leave me, keep me with you all my life". Then the next day they're cursing that persons name and saying how much they don't care about them and then a week later are in an other relationship. I'm sorry but that's not love it's simply lust.

The way of the road less and no longer traveled.

One day there comes a time in your life when the noose may look and feel better then any set of arms, any kind words, even better then her's. It seems like the point has gone and left you empty. I've had this feeling many a times over the last few months. Doesn't mean it's true and also doesn't mean it's not. People seem to think it's such a shame that people die but if we're willing to do it to ourselves then shouldn't it be ok? You're not taking a life simply giving one up. Like pulling the plug on a an old man who can't do anything but sit and stare at the celling from his bed with not hope of recovery we pull the plug on a life that is yet not fruitful. Weed out the garden and let the better plants grow tall to leave the weeds behind...

Escape.

What does one do when they are broken in the heart, both physically and mentally. What do these people do when the one thing that holds your world together is unbound. When the only option that you see before you is the hole in the rope. The blade of the knife. The air between the ground and the bridge... How do people go on? They put themselves into places where the return doesn't happen. They bring themselves down so low that they can't come back or don't want to. They wish that people would quit caring and see that the end would feel better then to continue. Like a sick elderly man finally dying they are relieved from life. But sometimes jsut the fact that people won't let them do it makes things a little better.. Even if it's not all better..

The Sinking Feeling

Falling. Wind rushes by in gusts that threaten to rip me to pieces. Falling. Utter darkness that consumes my whole self. Falling. It's as if the dark is consuming my mind, darkening my thoughts and my feelings. Falling. A sensation that things are ending soon. Falling. The feelings are stronger. Falling. I release and prepare for it to end. Falling. The anticipation of the end is ripping my sanity from my mind. Falling. I can't imagine it going further. Falling. Stopping with a thud and a groan it ends....

I wake up panting and sweating. Barely able to move, ears full of pressure and the sound of my fast beating heart. I calm down finally. My panting subsides and I fall back into my relaxation, and it begins again...

Stuck Behind Closed Eyes

What happens? What happened? What is happening? What will happen? How will it happen? Why is it, will it or did it happen?
Questions without answers. Inquiries without results.Life is full of them. From the past, present and no doubt the future. Where? When? How? Who knows what answers would be found out if we even opened our minds to all the possibilities for seconds, no milliseconds even!  We could end our world or make it greater. Find hope or destroy it. Change the world or condemn it. Yet have we done it? we are so cooped up in our little insignificant lives and petty problems and habits that blind up from the world surrounding us. Shut out our minds from things that could change  out thoughts or even our belief of reality. Thoughts that could obliterate the injustices, the pain and the wants of the world. And still we close our minds to these things. Still we hold ourselves back instead of all pushing forward together we live separate and alone, with our eyes closed...