Life

Life is but a wave
An endless cycle of water being pushed at a destination
I move away then turn and charge at my goals
Only to hit the edge and turn back for another go
And yet I always try to no avail.
But I go again, I can't help but do it, I must
For if I do not then why am I here?
Me? A wave that like all others will never reach what I wish to grasp
Never to finish the last goal
Always to fall back and begin yet again
To restart my futile attempts at happiness

But I'll keep on trying and maybe I'll make it.
And yet then again maybe I won't....

But all I know is I shall try.

I will try.....

When the walls fall down

What happens when all you know, everything that you love turns around and bites you. Life seems to have no end and yet could be ended so easily, could be gone with a flash, a bang, a whip, a smash.... It seems so easy to imagine that it can end right now. At the very moment that you're reading this you could pass out hit your head, or a heart attack and end up dead! What happens when you finally realize how mortal your body really is. How no matter what you do from a certain point on it goes downhill, and then we look around us. What do we see? People taking these body's they have; these miracles, these slabs of impossibility, that they don't seem to even care about! They inject, inhale, consume, abuse, or just plain don't use their body's in ways that you can't even imagine. And yet they're still there. No one is here telling them that "Hey you. You are acting like a idiot." You're given this shell; yeah I call it a shell cause now people think they can take a brain out throw it in a new body and bam! whole new person yet still have the same brain. Anyway; we have this shell, like a turtle. But unlike a turtle we don't have the simple life of eat, sleep, re-produce, swim and repeat. If we did I'm sure there would be a lot more of us. But instead we have different lives for each of us. Yeah we still have the main things like eat and sleep and swim.... Okay maybe not swim. But the point is we have the basics but then we have the differences. Some are alcoholics filling their system with poisons. Others are drug abusers, using unhealthy plants and substances to "relax" or "let go". Some overwork them selves to the point of death and some over "use" themselves to the point of depression. But no matter what you end up doing at least one bad thing to your body, cause that's the world. But there are so many who just throw it away by living there lives inside the shell and just let their lives pass them by or end it because they can't stand the life they've chosen. Don't be that person live it to the fullest cause you only live once.

Sheding

My Brain is so gone. So far from where I began. A world away and no way back, no way that I can ever be who I used to be. Innocent, small, joyous! Things I've shed like a snake and it's skin. The past is gone and yet I can't bear to look to the future, where I will still be more different.
          I look in the mirror and I see not myself but a stranger. Someone who I would never have even been seen with if I was still half the person I used to be. Yet her I am; I've been through heart break and addictions, break downs and my mind's own fictions. Days where I could barely go on and days where giving up would never even cross my mind. Times where the only person in the world that could hold me up doesn't even care about me anymore and times where I'd give anything for what I had between us to just have never happened. Most days I wake to thought of "Am I dead?.... No. Well time to start an other day that I'll screw up", but even if I live that day and do screw up I try my best to forget fast, live in the present and forget the past. And yet there it is every time I see a picture, read a note or a word that came from this person or that one, it all come rushing back like walking along and finding an old snake skin. What  if a snake found it's old skin? Does it remember why pieces are missing? Does it have memories that it will trigger. My old skins do and they aren't always the best memories.

Scars

Picture it: You look down and see a long white line running down your leg. A thought always comes to mind: "Wow that really hurt" or "HA! What a fun night that was". But no matter what it's still there isn't it? Isn't that one part of your body always going to have a little thing reminding you of that time and what not to do or maybe what to do. But I think there are Scars that go deeper then flesh. Scars that go all the way in, deep enough that it holds you back from things that could make you so happy, yet because of a scar or a break in you're mind you're too crippled to try to do these things. To trust, to love, to be caring and close to someone, maybe to even take risks at all. Sometimes it goes to the back of your mind and you seem to be fine for a while but then something happens and it's like someone took and sliced that scar open so that you have to live through the pain all over again, they make it so that one thing is yet again something you fear. Something strange and distant that can never again be regained in your life, something that you can see other people doing but are to afraid or to weary to do yourself.
             Sometimes to get past these things you have to let go of things, sometimes new things are needed. But just be cause we "get by them" doesn't mean that they are gone. A cut may heal but scars last a life time